Why our twenties can be so hard and what I wish I knew earlier.
Your twenties.
I describe it as an additional stage of major development after your teen years. As we grow, we go through puberty, our teens, and then we mature into adulthood.
The world often says you are an adult once you are 18, but to be frank, I don’t agree, but this is only my opinion.
I know it is different for all of us and for some; they have reached maturity by the time they are 18.
However, for many of us turning 18 is only the beginning of a long road of difficulties, lessons, heartbreak, losses, confusion, and failure.
Once we enter our twenties, we experience major changes in our relationships, friendships, lifestyles, careers, and emotional development.
I would actually say that during this time, you may find that you experience the most changes to your emotional development because our brains are maturing and there are changes in how we process our emotions.
So, as we experience these changes to our emotions, we can feel as if every setback or difficulty we experience is a crisis, and for some of us, it can feel overwhelming.
According to the Harvard Business Review, researchers define the changes that occur in our brains during this time as psychological aging, which means we are learning new skills that can help us adapt to daily challenges.
Skills such as: regulating our emotions, assessing what we are feeling, and learning how to put things into perspective.
The good news is, as we mature, what we feel eventually becomes less intense. However, I know that even though this is a comforting thought, for some of us, it seems like the emotional rollercoaster will never end.
As I near the end of my twenties, I thought I’d make a list of what I know now and what I wish I knew earlier.
1. We are always growing and evolving and what you are feeling today won’t last forever, even if it feels that way.
Feeling our emotions is tough.
Especially with emotions that make us feel embarrassed, ashamed, or alone. Our emotions not only take a lot out of us, but they require us to be incredibly honest with ourselves.
I’ve found that on my journey, I’d often try to conceal what I was feeling but you can only suppress your emotions for so long.
Eventually, what’s happening internally will begin to come out.
However, this isn’t anything to be ashamed of and this is what I would have told my younger self.
Emotions are a part of being human. Emotions let us know what’s going on with us internally. Emotions are actually our teachers and let us know how we can improve, what feels good to our soul, and what feels off.
So, whether you’ve gone through a breakup, you are starting a new job, working on ridding yourself of bad habits/behaviors, or are trying to get a hold of your emotions, be easy on yourself.
You are going through a process and even though it can be very painful to feel so deeply, the pain will not last forever, but it will become a lesson.
You will gain new insight so that when faced with situations, you are able to handle them better.
2. Get into therapy
I know I’ve already mentioned therapy on this platform, but it would seem wrong for me to mention your twenties and not include therapy.
But seriously, if I had known the benefits of therapy, I would have sought it out earlier, but I guess nothing happens before it's time.
Therapy is such a game changer and will improve your mental health drastically.
You will no longer feel like a bad person for feeling what you feel, you will no longer feel so alone, you will understand why you feel and think the way you do, you will have a safe space to vent, and you will have someone to hold you accountable.
If you invest in anything while you are in your twenties, invest in your mental health by finding a therapist suitable for you.
3. Take social media breaks often
When it comes to social media, I implore you to take social media breaks and often. In March, I took a social media break for 30 days after consistent social media use left me anxious, depressed, and insecure.
After 30 days, I ended up taking a step back from Instagram for three months and I don’t regret it.
If you are in your twenties and want to maintain your peace and mental health, please take breaks from social media often, unfollow pages that aren’t feeding you, or remove the app on your phone if you find you are becoming distracted and uneasy.
For many of us, we need social media for our careers. But social media can also cause many of us to compare and become distracted.
Your mental wellness in your twenties is everything. We are going through too many changes to be bogged down with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy on social media.
4. Appreciate the season you are in
I know as humans, sometimes it’s easy to jump ahead and wish that we were in a different season of our lives. If you are single, you may wish you were in a relationship, if you are in school, you may wish you were a graduate, if you just graduated, you may wish you were further along in your career, and so on and so forth.
But please know that every season serves a unique purpose and actually prepares you for the next season.
Sometimes we jump ahead because the idea of a new season offers the illusion of ease, excitement, or comfort. While new seasons have the potential to offer these things, they also come with new challenges that we need to be prepared for.
I think there’s a reason for every season and you don’t want to miss the beauty in this moment by thinking about the next.
5. Stay connected to your faith
Everyone isn’t religious or spiritual, and I understand and respect this.
But for me, having God as my anchor has saved me from some hard and frustrating times in my twenties.
God has shown me love, He’s connected me to the right people, He’s removed me from places that don’t serve me, and He’s continuously showing me my weaknesses so He can be my strength.
I think having a spiritual anchor during this time is very important so that you can stay centered.
From the minute we turn 20, we are embarking on an emotional journey that can make or break us.
Connecting to your faith can give you peace and also the assurance that you aren’t walking on this journey alone.
6. Realize that life is not a competition
Envy and comparison are natural human traits, as much as we may not want to admit it.
If you want proof, just log into your Instagram account and scroll for a few hours ( I don’t recommend this by the way), and see how certain posts or pages make you feel.
As humans, it’s very natural to see how we measure up to the next.
Envy can serve as motivation or let us know what we desire in life.
But envy can also be very dangerous and is a trait that can make us very prideful, selfish, and unable to be happy for others.
Envy is rooted in self and rarely considers anyone else.
Comparison and envy will always exist in this life and it’s something we all have to work on as humans if we want to maintain our happiness.
But in our twenties, envy tends to exist because many of us are on social media and have access to everyone’s highlight reel.
We end up getting caught up in who looks better, who is achieving the most, who seems to have the best relationship, who’s more talented, or who’s taking the most trips.
But the truth is, life is not a competition, and the faster you understand this, the more you will be at peace. It may take a while to grasp this concept and this is something I’m working on daily, but we all have talents and value.
We can all contribute and benefit from each other.
The ego teaches us that there can only be a few greats or only one person that can contribute and add value. The ego teaches us that there is only one person who can dominate a certain industry, or field, or maintain a certain status.
But you’ll eventually find that this mindset keeps you miserable, stuck, exhausted, resentful, and bitter.
As much as you can, stay humble and know that there is enough to go around for all of us.
Life is not a competition.
7. Forgive yourself often
In your twenties, you are going to make mistakes. You are going to be embarrassed, you are going to be confused, you will hurt, hurt others, and experience setbacks. This is all a part of growth and learning.
Your twenties are truly just one decade of your life and you have so much more to learn. Be easy on yourself as you learn how to navigate life and the challenges that may come your way.
8. Know that your relationships will change and that’s okay
It’s so easy to make friends in high school and even college because there is a familiarity between people at this stage of life.
But as you get older, you’ll notice that you will lose touch or fall off completely with your peers because you’ll do a lot of growing during this time.
And to be honest, this isn’t always a bad thing. As you mature, it’s important to spend time with yourself and figure out who you are. It’s important to figure out your likes and dislikes.
It’s important to figure out the kind of people you want around you and who you don’t.
Your twenties are an excellent time to start determining your values and maybe even redefining yourself.
9. It does get better
If I’m being honest, there have been many periods during my early twenties that have left me emotional, drained, confused, and insecure.
There were periods when I just wanted my twenties to end because things didn’t make sense or I felt like my mind wasn’t mentally strong enough to deal with certain challenges.
Social media can also make it seem like you are the only one feeling this way, but many others do, they just might not admit it.
You may have periods where you question your worth, you may have periods where you feel alone, you may cave into peer pressure, and you may have periods where the journey seems like a winding road that doesn’t end.
The truth is, the road still continues, but you’ll gain more momentum to keep going on the journey.
You’ll become wiser, stronger, and more confident as time goes on.
The challenges won’t end, because life can be a challenging experience.
But you’ll slowly begin to realize that as each day goes by, you’ve become more resilient.
As you continue to move through your twenties or even if you are in the early stages, know that challenges aren’t made to break you, but to build you.
It does get better.
